Bu Zhi Bu Jue

Compromising situations

2009-07-31T09:33:00.003-04:00

I was reading a website for my grad school class on the use of technology in the classroom when I came across this excerpt, discussing the legality of fanfiction:

"Fan fiction authors can be seen as talking back to the dominant culture. They often show loyalty to a particular program such as Star Trek, but they also diverge from the television studio's plot. They sometimes celebrate minor characters who were not given prominent attention on the shows. For example, Lt. Uhura, the African-American woman who received little attention on the original Star Trek, is lavished with fan attention. For example, a subgenre of fan fiction called "slash" describes homosexual relationships between characters. Some copyright holders may not want their characters portrayed in compromising situations."

Homosexual relationships are...compromising? I can see how slash fiction isn't the most ideal use of original characters, but...compromising? Maybe I'm just reading it wrong. But it's a dangerous statement, I think.

happy summer reading

2008-06-18T14:23:00.004-04:00

I've been doing a lot of vegging lately, trying to savor the last days of unemployment and lack of responsibility. There's nothing better than re-reading old fantasy books I used to love as a kid, and lately I've been making several embarrassing forays into the "YA" (young adult, i.e. I have to crouch down to be level with the bookshelves full of colorful covered, Newbery-medal-winning, thin spined books) section of the public library. A list of the books I've read so far, most of them in one sitting:

The Hero and the Crown - Robin McKinley (all of her books are about sword-wielding heroines, which I pretty much worshipped as a kid)
The Blue Sword - Robin McKinley
Spindle's End - Robin McKinley
The Tombs of Atuan - Ursula K. Le Guin (I just discovered her sci-fi, and it's good--less violence, more solemn tales)
Tales From Earthsea - Ursula K. Le Guin
The Other Wind - Ursula K. Le Guin

And some serious reading too:

The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen (wry and depressing)
The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
Blink - Malcolm Gladwell (a reference to some awesome psychological studies)
Who Will Teach For America? - Michael Shapiro

If you, like me, enjoy retracing your favorite childhood stories every time you come home, you might also try watching all of Hayao Miyazaki's films. Or anything that Studio Ghibli produces. They make you feel like a starry eyed kid again, a feeling I'm trying to recapture before I head off into the work world prematurely.

Science is a way of life

2008-06-02T17:21:00.003-04:00

A great Op-Ed column from the NYTimes yesterday summed up exactly why I love learning and teaching science. Below are a few excerpts, but the whole article is really worth reading.

"Science is a way of life. Science is a perspective. Science is the process that takes us from confusion to understanding in a manner that’s precise, predictive and reliable — a transformation, for those lucky enough to experience it, that is empowering and emotional. To be able to think through and grasp explanations — for everything from why the sky is blue to how life formed on earth — not because they are declared dogma but rather because they reveal patterns confirmed by experiment and observation, is one of the most precious of human experiences.

...

But science is so much more than its technical details. And with careful attention to presentation, cutting-edge insights and discoveries can be clearly and faithfully communicated to students independent of those details; in fact, those insights and discoveries are precisely the ones that can drive a young student to want to learn the details. We rob science education of life when we focus solely on results and seek to train students to solve problems and recite facts without a commensurate emphasis on transporting them out beyond the stars."

I miss school already

2008-05-28T23:12:00.004-04:00

The worst part about graduating is leaving a beautiful campus and its people behind. The second worst thing is losing journal access. The other day I was doing a random Google search, and a JSTOR paper came up. I clicked. I couldn't read it. And it made me sad.

Don't ask me why I was searching for journal articles when I've been out of school for two weeks. Sometimes you just want to read journals.

Today I fell 14,000 feet

2008-05-04T23:59:00.007-04:00

Against all rational thought, I went skydiving today. And it was surreal. Strangely enough, I wasn't as afraid as I thought I would be, probably because I was dissociating myself from the fear I knew I would experience if I let myself fully realize what I was doing. I expected my heart to be beating out of my chest, but instead I was relatively calm as I stepped out of the plane with my instructor strapped in tandem behind me. I'm vaguely aware that I did a back flip out of the plane, and from there it felt like I was floating. Painfully floating, because my ears were popping with the pressure difference, and my face was being torn by the air rushing by at 120 mph. It doesn't feel at all like the swooping sensation you get when you fall with a roller coaster--instead, the air resistance makes it feel as if you're hovering in place.

It all went by far too quickly. They say we free-fell for 60 seconds, but it felt like half that much time had passed when my instructor pulled the rip cord. Although I didn't quite see the curvature of the Earth that I've heard other skydivers have seen, I saw a faint line on the horizon indicating the temperature inversion. Gliding down in the parachute was peaceful but a bit awkward, and the landing was smooth.
___________________________________________________________

The entire experience surprised me in so many ways. Why wasn't my genetically wired sense of survival preventing me from taking the plunge when my toes were on the edge of the plane door? Why is my sense of mortality so nonexistent? I did some reading on why I thrill seek, and came up with this, from Psychology Today:

"...Research has also revealed the darker side of risk taking. High-risk takers are easily bored and may suffer low job satisfaction. Their craving for stimulation can make them more likely to abuse drugs, gamble, commit crimes, and be promiscuous....

Indeed, this peculiar form of dissatisfaction could help explain the explosion of high-risk sports in America and other postindustrial Western nations. In unstable cultures, such as those at war or suffering poverty, people rarely seek out additional thrills. But in a rich and safety-obsessed country like America, land of guardrails, seat belts, and personal-injury lawsuits, everyday life may have become too safe, predictable, and boring for those programmed for risk-taking."

And a more psychological theory:

"Larsen calls high-sensation seekers "reducers": Their brains automatically dampen the level of incoming stimuli, leaving them with a kind of excitement deficit. (Low-sensation seekers, by contrast, tend to "augment" stimuli, and thus desire less excitement.) Why are some brains wired for excitement? Since 1974, researchers have known that the enzyme monoamine oxidase (MAO) plays a central role in regulating arousal, inhibition, and pleasure. They also found that low levels of MAO correlate with high levels of certain behaviors, including criminality, social activity, and drug abuse. When Zuckerman began testing HSS individuals, they, too, showed unusually low MAO levels.

The enzyme's precise role isn't deal It regulates levels of at least three important neurotransmitters: norepinephrine, which arouses the brain in response to stimuli; dopamine, which is involved with the sensation of pleasure in response to arousal; and serotonin, which acts as a brake on norepinephrine and inhibits arousal.... Such individuals may turn to drugs, like cocaine, which mimic dopamine's pleasure reaction."

Why I'm a Lostie

2008-04-29T21:30:00.006-04:00

All the recent controversy about whether or not progress on the Large Hadron Collider at CERN should be continued has found its way into my favorite television show, Lost. In case you aren't familiar with the story, there is some concern that experiments with the collider might produce the conditions for a black hole. On Earth. Though if we really had the power to create a black hole, then I wouldn't exactly mind being sucked up into it just to find out if I still exist on the other side--it's not like we'd know what hit us, anyway, since it would be painless.

I've always been a fan of shows that aren't just spoon fed to you, but leave room for a whole mythology and cater to those with an obsession for detail. I guess that is a roundabout way of saying that I'm a science fiction nerd. Anyway, the best part about Lost is that it has all of the conspiracy theory, but its writers try to ground it in real science. In a recent interview between the writers behind Lost and the magazine Popular Mechanics:

But the creators did let slip that the rest of this season will revolve around some very real—and very big—physics: the Large Hadron Collider, the much delayed European particle accelerator that could reveal information about the Higgs boson and dark energy. Some physicists believe the LHC will produce mini black holes, which might actually be able to open a one-way portal to another universe—a gateway that can only be kept open by a force of energy as strong as Jupiter ... or an electromagnet inside a desert island.

Michio Kaku, author of Physics of the Impossible, thinks the Lost creators are using cutting-edge science to lay the groundwork for a transversible wormhole to another point in space and time—a trip foreshadowed in an off-season video about the so-called Orchid station, which Lindelhof and Cuse promised would be a key to the next few episodes. "They're amping up the energy to the point where space and time begin to tear, and the fabric begins to rip," Kaku tells PM. "When the fabric of space and time begin to rip, things that we consider impossible become possible again."
__________________________________________________________

Now I'm even more excited to see how the writers handle the rest of the season. I think everyone has a fetish with physics-they-don't-understand. It's so unfathomable, but such a fascinating idea that we could be capable of creating the conditions for a microscopic black hole. It's one of the (very few) reasons why I almost enjoyed learning quantum mechanics. Oh and just in case you are suddenly worried about the Collider, here's some reassuring news:

________________________________________________________________
Microscopic black holes will not eat you...

Massive black holes are created in the Universe by the collapse of massive stars, which contain enormous amounts of gravitational energy that pulls in surrounding matter. The gravitational pull of a black hole is related to the amount of matter or energy it contains – the less there is, the weaker the pull. Some physicists suggest that microscopic black holes could be produced in the collisions at the LHC. However, these would only be created with the energies of the colliding particles (equivalent to the energies of mosquitoes), so no microscopic black holes produced inside the LHC could generate a strong enough gravitational force to pull in surrounding matter.

Also

2008-04-17T13:31:00.003-04:00

Also, I just finished the last exam of my college career. Well, two of them to be exact. It reminds me (reference credit goes to my friend) of the T. S. Eliot poem:

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

But I love my Nalgene

2008-04-17T13:03:00.003-04:00

A panel of scientists in Canada just announced that they recommend labeling bisphenol-a (BPA), the polymer used in Nalgene bottles and other hard plastics, a toxin. It resembles and acts on your estrogen receptors, so it's a hormone disrupter. On top of all the top 10 NYTimes articles I just read about rising grain prices and food shortages, potential medical record sabotage, and more problems with doctors' conflicting interests with pharmaceutical companies, this was not exactly happy news. I use my Nalgene a lot. And I wash it--when I wash it--with harsh detergents and high temperature liquids, which, according to Wikipedia, just aggravates the amount of BPA that leaches out of the plastic. As if the bacteria (from lack of washing) doesn't do enough harm....

Now I'm in a quandary. I use my Nalgene because it's nice to always have water around, and it's more sustainable than getting plastic cups for water everywhere I go. It's far more sustainable than using normal plastic water bottles. And, by the way, the rumors you hear about normal plastic bottles releasing toxins when you reuse them are not entirely based on fact. They were based on some random student's master's dissertation (read: not peer reviewed!) about the dangers of a carcinogen called DEHA, when in fact water bottles today are made out of something called polyethylene teraphthalate (PET).

So, normal water bottles are okay (until otherwise notified). But then there's the problem of polluting the world with more of those ridiculous plastic bottles.

I guess I should switch to glass (but it's so heavy!). On the other hand, I figure I'm exposed to so many toxins already that I don't really mind using my Nalgene. Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? And that's why I always forget to wash my Nalgene. The bacteria is just a practice run for my immune system.

Head in the clouds

2008-04-16T01:19:00.003-04:00

I've just discovered how much I like Radiohead--about 15 years after everyone else, and after first listening to nearly every band that came after and sounds just like them.

I liked them okay before. Paranoid Android, Nice Dream, High & Dry are some of my favorites--but somehow their twisting chord progressions never really got me hooked. Something would happen mid-song, and I'd lose interest. Prematurely? I think so.

I just found out that their newest album isn't up for download anymore. What a sad moment. The good thing is that I can always make a YouTube play list!

And now I have to go listen to 18 years' worth of music.

Tracing my roots

2008-04-03T19:36:00.003-04:00

This is a great article in the NYTimes Magazine about the changing landscape of Taiwan.
I really wish I could go back now. All the other times I've visited, I was either too young or too ignorant to really experience the place. Now that I can sort-of speak Mandarin, and a couple of random phrases in Taiwanese ("wash your hands," "beautiful people don't have beautiful names," "tired-to-death"..."anything-to-death")--and now that I've learned to enjoy traveling like a real traveler and not a tourist, I am dying to go back. I just want to go back and get to know my relatives in their own language. I want to go back before I forget the measly amount of Chinese I've managed to learn in the past three years, which is already happening too soon. I want to go back before the culture is diluted with the mainland.

My immediate family is a tight knit group, but whenever big events come around (like my impending graduation), I get asked a lot, "So, are all of your relatives coming down? Grandparents?" As I explain, I am thinking, no, I don't really know my relatives or my grandparents. They don't really know me, because we've never spoken to one another beyond a couple of broken sentences in either of our native languages. To me, they are just the cute grandparents who I see in pictures, and maybe once every five years, who make amazing food and send me money. To them, I am just the American child who grows up too quickly and comes back every five years a foot taller, speaking less and less Chinese.

Get educated, man

2008-03-30T14:44:00.005-04:00

An excerpt from Nicholas Kristof's newest op-ed column, "With a Few More Brains...":

*****

"Then there’s this embarrassing fact about the United States in the 21st century: Americans are as likely to believe in flying saucers as in evolution. Depending on how the questions are asked, roughly 30 to 40 percent of Americans believe in each.

A 34-nation study found Americans less likely to believe in evolution than citizens of any of the countries polled except Turkey.

President Bush is also the only Western leader I know of who doesn’t believe in evolution, saying “the jury is still out.” No word on whether he believes in little green men.

Only one American in 10 understands radiation, and only one in three has an idea of what DNA does. One in five does know that the Sun orbits the Earth ...oh, oops."

*****

I believe in aliens. That is, I believe in the statistical probability that there is life out there, but that we will probably never find them and they will never find us. Not so much flying saucers, although the X-Files geek in me would like to believe there is a conspiracy. I'll try my best to be accepting and understand how you might not believe in evolution because it contradicts your religious beliefs. But how can you believe in flying saucers, based entirely upon speculation, and not believe in something supported by empirical evidence? Maybe Bush thinks we ourselves are aliens--not that that contradicts creationism at all.

I can understand ignorance in general, because I'm guilty of spending the last two weeks festering on YouTube in a newfound obsession with the actor James McAvoy (he's incredible!) rather than doing anything productive. I understand the tendency toward ignorance because it's so easy to surround yourself in impractical knowledge. But the fact that I am surprised and depressed by these statistics makes me feel very naive. If only I could expect more; I don't want to be a cynic just yet.

I can also understand the lack of knowledge about DNA and radiation, because science education positively sucks in the U.S. All the "street-talk" TV shows that portray the average American as someone who confuses Iraq and Australia on a map point to an egregious problem with our education system. This is what makes me want to get out there and teach my future students what DNA and radiation are so that they don't join the ranks of the average American. I can expect more.

Did you know...?

2008-03-28T16:55:00.004-04:00

...that Alcoholics Anonymous is a religious organization? Okay, maybe not officially, but take a look at their famous 12 steps:

****************************

THE TWELVE STEPS
OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

***************

If that isn't religious, I don't know what is. Perhaps I'm speaking out of ignorance, since I know so little about addiction and the desperation that comes with it. And let me also emphasize that AA is no doubt a model organization that fills a void and reinvents the lives of addicts. My classmates in pharmacology class (a lot of my posts come from ideas I have in pharmacology class, probably because it's the only vaguely interesting class I have this semester) pointed this out to us in a presentation on alcohol addiction. My first reaction was a fear of ever becoming addicted to anything--not because of the harm it will do to my life, my body, and everyone I love--but because I don't know what options there will be for me when I try to seek help. How could I go to the AA, or so many other organizations that use a similar form of these 12 steps, when just reading their guidelines alienates me?

I admit that I'm part of a small minority in the world that has trouble believing in a specific religion, so of course my reaction is different--radical, even. But my friend, who is Hindu, told me that she felt alienated by the 12 steps as well. Surely it's possible to come up with 12 steps that don't evoke religion? It makes me afraid for those addicts out there who, like me, might avoid seeking help because of this very reason.

Reason #128 Why it sucks to be a girl

2008-02-29T15:52:00.003-05:00

Yesterday in class my professor pointed out an interesting set of statistics that just add to the list of grievances. It's pretty common knowledge that women are more prone to depression and other behavioral disorders than men. You'd initially think that it's because women have different social factors in their lives: balancing family with careers, childbirth, menopause, menstruation, sexism in the workplace, preoccupation with appearance (the list goes on interminably). Some might even claim that this is because women "experience" emotion in a different way from men. But there is growing evidence that this disjoint between the sexes is also biological.

Before puberty, boys and girls experience depression at similar rates, and some studies show that boys are at higher risk at this time. But once they hit puberty at around age 12, girls suddenly are twice more likely to be depressed. Studies point to a correlation between hormone changes and higher depression rates, but the exact cause is still unknown. From the Mayo Clinic:

"Although the exact interaction between depression and premenstrual syndrome remains unclear, some researchers believe that cyclical changes in estrogen, progesterone and other hormones can disrupt the function of brain chemicals that control mood, such as serotonin. Other research indicates that androgens — so-called male hormones that women also naturally produce at a lower level — may play a role. Still, because such hormonal changes occur in all women, but not all women develop depression, hormonal changes alone can't be responsible for the increased risk of depression in women. Genetic predisposition or other factors also may influence depression.

Social and cultural stressors may play a role, too. Although these stressors also occur in men, it's usually at a lower rate. Women are more likely than men to shoulder the burden of both work and family responsibilities, for instance. They're also more likely to have lower incomes, be single parents and have a history of sexual or physical abuse, all of which can contribute to depression, especially in women who've had depression in the past. In general, American women earn less money than men do. Single women with children have one of the highest poverty rates in the United States. Low socioeconomic status brings with it many concerns and stressors, including uncertainty about the future and less access to community and health care resources. Minority women might also face added stress from racial discrimination."

The problem is that whenever you cite statistics like this, or open your mouth to say anything at all about gender differences and inequality, you get branded as a bra-burning feminist. Here's the scenario: a friend offers to carry a bag of heavy groceries for me, despite the fact that he is already laden with six bags himself and the seventh would most probably cut off all circulation in his fingers. I'm only carrying four. Because I think that I am a competent and fully functioning human being, and I want to spare him a little pain, I say no thanks, I'll manage. I might have less muscle mass than him, but I have arms and legs, and I'm used to doing things myself. The next day, my friend asks me if I'm a feminist. Why does utilizing my basic capabilities as a healthy human being make me a feminist?

Okay. You got me. I'm depressed, and I'm a feminist.

Checklists

2008-02-21T19:08:00.002-05:00

Atul Gawande on how to-do lists are crucial for everything, especially medicine. In the New Yorker.

Music makes the world brighter

2008-02-20T18:51:00.003-05:00

Let me start off with this: I love music. Everything can go wrong in a day, you can wake up sick to your stomach, force yourself out of bed anyway, forget to eat breakfast, miss the bus, get caught in the pouring rain, fail an exam because you took it soaking wet, trip and fall on your face, screw up an experiment in lab, get annoyed by and annoy all of your friends, finally get over to the music building at the end of the day, and...

...still walk out of the practice room, hands tingling and aching, with a bounce in your step. There's very little that's greater than being caught up in the rush, the sway, the peak of a song. It's when all of your violin bows furiously fight for a grip on the string, when everyone sways together, when you look up and see the maestro looking directly at you with the most anguished look you have ever seen on anyone's face. You want to give it to him, you want to give it everything you have, but it's just not enough -- that's what music is, the most peculiar blend of pleasure and frustration. It's agonizing, it's torture, until you hit that one note, delayed by perfect fractions of a second.

Equally awesome: discovering a new band whose every song you love to death. My new band? Beirut. It's this one guy act (and his huge group of instrumentalists) who is an absolute europhile and makes music like he's a gypsy from Slovakia. But he's a 22 year old from Santa Fe, he recorded an entire album in his basement, and he plays ukulele, trumpet, piano, accordion, and I don't know what else. I love his voice, and I love the originality of his music. He definitely goes on my list along with Andrew Bird for the best musical finds of this year.

My dad always said, don't take medicine if you can stand the pain. Maybe he's right

2008-01-30T23:24:00.000-05:00

The pharmaceutical industry these days has so much to worry about. If it's not the threat posed by the universal healthcare plans that could potentially be implemented by the Clinton/Obama/[?] administration in the near future, and it's not increased exposure of scandals involving doctors being paid off to promote and prescribe drugs and biomedical devices...then it's faulty and counterfeit drugs. Lots of them.

The front page article of the New York Times today features a new uncovering of faulty drugs being made in--surprise?--China and being administered to unwitting patients. The worst part? The drug is ordinarily used to treat leukemia patients, and impurities in the drug manufactured by Shanghai Hualian are causing leg pain and paralysis. Apparently, another drug, vincristine sulfate (which inhibits formation of the mitotic spindle--and thus cell division) was being stored in the same refrigerator as a bunch of other drugs, and managed to contaminate them all. The problem was that vincristine sulfate is too strong to be administered by injection into the spine, which is how they were injecting the other leukemia drug.

This case was a real drug being manufactured by a real, certified company. But what about all of the counterfeit drugs? In my class on contemporary China we've been talking a lot about the economic benefits of Special Economic Zones like Shenzhen. It turns out that these free trade zones are one of the main problems in the counterfeit drug trade. Drugs are being shipped through places like the Euro Gulf Trading area in Dubai and aren't being double-checked by customs officials. These drugs go to places like Panama, where hundreds of people were killed recently by cough medicine tainted by diethylene glycol, and the Bahamas.

This problem is in the hands of the FDA and other national agencies that regulate the production and distribution of drugs. But what we really need now is some kind of international organization to bridge the disconnect between global trade and regionalized regulations. Or would this cause too many problems, having to decide on a set of rules that every country could abide by in terms of manufacturing and distributing drugs? I'm not sure, but it's a major problem when you can't even trust the drugs that your doctor tells you to take because you're afraid they might have a financial incentive for prescribing the drug to you, and when you hesitate before you take your Robitussin cough syrup because you're not sure if there's antifreeze in it.

They'll call me Miss C

2008-01-25T17:43:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be a chemistry teacher in DC starting next August. I just accepted the offer from Teach For America, and I'm going to be a chemistry teacher in less than 9 months. Am I excited? Am I happy? Am I worried? Am I half scared out of my mind? All of the above.

If I have the privilege and misfortune to run an in-class lab, I'm going to have a lot of fun. Kids setting themselves on fire, setting the table on fire, me not knowing what to do because I am terrible with lab safety.

If I teach high school (which I probably will, since I'm assigned to be strictly a chemistry teacher), some of my students will be taller than me. Some of them might even be almost as old as I am. I think I'm too young for this.

But it could be great. I opened a new blog on TeachFor.Us where hopefully I'll be able to write about my teaching mishaps and triumphs (somehow I think there will be more of the former) throughout the next two years.

Worried Winston

2008-01-16T17:56:00.000-05:00

Meet Winston Chang: full of pre-med anxieties and hopes.
Drawn by Julia & Kelley

More to come in future updates.

The Origins of Morality

2008-01-13T01:06:00.000-05:00

Aside from being swept up in election hype, this is an excerpt from one of the more interesting articles I've read in a while on the NYTimes. It's about where morality comes from:

***

Much of our recent social history, including the culture wars between liberals and conservatives, consists of the moralization or amoralization of particular kinds of behavior. Even when people agree that an outcome is desirable, they may disagree on whether it should be treated as a matter of preference and prudence or as a matter of sin and virtue. Rozin notes, for example, that smoking has lately been moralized. Until recently, it was understood that some people didn’t enjoy smoking or avoided it because it was hazardous to their health. But with the discovery of the harmful effects of secondhand smoke, smoking is now treated as immoral. Smokers are ostracized; images of people smoking are censored; and entities touched by smoke are felt to be contaminated (so hotels have not only nonsmoking rooms but nonsmoking floors). The desire for retribution has been visited on tobacco companies, who have been slapped with staggering “punitive damages.”

At the same time, many behaviors have been amoralized, switched from moral failings to lifestyle choices. They include divorce, illegitimacy, being a working mother, marijuana use and homosexuality. Many afflictions have been reassigned from payback for bad choices to unlucky misfortunes. There used to be people called “bums” and “tramps”; today they are “homeless.” Drug addiction is a “disease”; syphilis was rebranded from the price of wanton behavior to a “sexually transmitted disease” and more recently a “sexually transmitted infection.”

This wave of amoralization has led the cultural right to lament that morality itself is under assault, as we see in the group that anointed itself the Moral Majority. In fact there seems to be a Law of Conservation of Moralization, so that as old behaviors are taken out of the moralized column, new ones are added to it. Dozens of things that past generations treated as practical matters are now ethical battlegrounds, including disposable diapers, I.Q. tests, poultry farms, Barbie dolls and research on breast cancer. Food alone has become a minefield, with critics sermonizing about the size of sodas, the chemistry of fat, the freedom of chickens, the price of coffee beans, the species of fish and now the distance the food has traveled from farm to plate.

Many of these moralizations, like the assault on smoking, may be understood as practical tactics to reduce some recently identified harm. But whether an activity flips our mental switches to the “moral” setting isn’t just a matter of how much harm it does. We don’t show contempt to the man who fails to change the batteries in his smoke alarms or takes his family on a driving vacation, both of which multiply the risk they will die in an accident. Driving a gas-guzzling Hummer is reprehensible, but driving a gas-guzzling old Volvo is not; eating a Big Mac is unconscionable, but not imported cheese or crème brûlée. The reason for these double standards is obvious: people tend to align their moralization with their own lifestyles.

***

Of RNA Worlds and Creationism

2007-12-15T00:30:00.000-05:00

My mind has been a jumbled mess over the past week, and I've been in the library for sometimes twelve hours a day. But exam period does have its perks--interesting discussions about the origin of life in entirely hushed whispers, for one.

In my reading I came across the concept of the "RNA World," or what much of the science community believes may have been the origin of life on Earth. In this theory, the world was once a molten blob of hydrogen sulfide, other foul smelling gases, and a bunch of random molecules randomly associating and dissociating. With enough energy--a lightning strike, a volcanic eruption, a beam of UV radiation from the sun--the molecules randomly associated, and what was a bunch of carbons, nitrogens, and oxygens came together and became RNA, the precursor of DNA. Anyway, the cool part is that the RNA might have been suddenly encased in a shell and became the very first of what we might call a "cell." Even cooler, these spontaneous reactions have been reproduced in modern day labs, and it turns out that a certain type of clay that was a major component of the surface at the time can be the catalyst for the formation of the RNA cell. The RNA cell was subject to evolutionary pressures, and eventually became the basic cell of everyday life, with DNA as its genetic code and all of the other organelles in place.

It's such an interesting concept, and despite the infinite number of possibilities for how it really might have happened, it sparked my friend and I to wonder for the umpteenth time: how do people not believe in evolution? For someone who doesn't come from a religious family, ingrained daily with the empirical methods of chemistry and biology, the concept of creationism is understandably foreign.

And then I wonder, how do people separate their personal beliefs from their profession? How can an evolutionary biologist be Christian or otherwise? There are many of them, and it's astounding to me how they can find a way to either compromise their beliefs or agree that one part of their life just doesn't harmonize with the other. But then again, life is about contradictions--I claim to be an environmentalist, but I waste water and get my food to-go all the time. We claim to be advocates of social justice, but then we stand by as yet another atrocious event goes by. It's part of being human.

Maybe, all of those religious evolutionary biologists tell themselves that, instead of Adam and Eve out of Adam's rib, God first created the RNA molecule. And then the lipids that surrounded it to make the cell membrane. I'm pretty sure that was just blasphemy, but in some ways I find that more comforting than both the cold, hard science viewpoint, and the entirely alien idea (to me at least) that people just existed.

Anyway, back to work.

Gossip Girl and the Iranian Ministry of Intelligence

2007-12-06T19:06:00.001-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted. I've been busy with interviews, exams, piano events, and toxic amounts of TV. I've become such a TV-fanatic since two years ago, when I used to avoid the tube like it was sucking the thought of my brain. Suddenly--maybe it's the stress, maybe it's because none of my classes are vaguely appealing to me this semester--I really embrace that feeling. My taste in shows has also rapidly declined...or is it that all of the good shows have gone bad? In any case, I've substituted Heroes (what happened to that formula from last season? why can't they think of a new one that works?) with a second-rate show like Gossip Girl. It's all for Chuck, the only interesting character and best actor on the show. Never mind that he's almost a rapist. It's just TV.

***

But let me move on. I do still think about other things beyond hot British actors, and in one last bout of news-reading before I launch into hermit mode for my second to last season of finals, here is an entertaining article by the NYTimes' Thomas Friedman that's worth reading. It's what I'm pretty sure an intelligence report by the Iranian Ministry of Intelligence to President Ahmadenijad must look like:

'We have to note that obtaining open-source intelligence in America has become more difficult, because traditional news shows have become more comedic and more comedic news shows more authoritative.

For instance, CNN’s nightly business report is hosted by a man named “Dobbs.” Real journalists come on his show and present transparently propagandistic stories about immigration and trade and then he fulminates about them, much the way our ayatollahs used to do about “Satanic Americans” on late-night Iranian TV. So viewers have no real idea what’s happening in the U.S. economy.

Meanwhile, at 11 p.m., something called “The Daily Show,” which appears on Comedy Central, has fake journalists presenting what turns out to be the real news.'

A not so typical day in college

2007-11-17T12:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a wonderful day. It was like no other, but it was what college should be like each and every day. More for my sake than for anyone else's, here's a brief recap:

Woke up at 10am. Piano lesson canceled today, thankfully, after a long week of piano.

10:30am. Toured the Duke Home Depot Smart Home, basically a green, environmentally-friendly, extremely high-tech live-in laboratory space for students and faculty. For a brief moment, relished in the fact that I understood what the tour guide meant when he spoke about "photovoltaic cells," and how total internal reflection allows the fiber optic cables throughout the house to transmit 10GB of data per second (can I have one too?). For a brief second, appreciated analytical chemistry. Those transient moments are the best -- when you realize that despite all the drudgery of studying for exams, there really is a point to all of the seemingly useless knowledge.

11:30am. Had lunch with two of my good friends for about two hours, making outrageous jokes about growing sugarcane in Thailand.

2pm. Stressed for a bit, trying to organize a meeting with JPMorgan via email. I've been doing a lot of emailing lately, but I enjoy it: it's such a useful ability, to be able to communicate effectively across email. So many people don't know proper email etiquette (one of my biggest pet peeves!), and I'm still in the process of learning it in all of the different situations I encounter. It's absolutely vital.

3pm. Went to lab and found out that my reaction product, basically a centimeter of yellow liquid in a test tube, had turned black. Stressed.

4:30pm. Decided to quit lab (I do this a lot, it seems), and left to get my senior portrait taken.

6pm. Went to a multicultural dinner event with several of my really close friends. Had a blast and ate amazing Korean food.

8pm. Went to Leon Fleisher's solo piano concert. Got a cd autographed for my friend, and had my picture taken with him. Excited, because he knows my name.

11pm. Took my computer over to the library (yes, on a Friday night. Is there a problem?) and talked with my good friend there for about an hour, messed around on freerice.com, snacked, and tried to clean my room.

2am. Sleep.

...Wonderful.

A Campus-wide Eating Disorder

2007-10-30T00:45:00.000-04:00

My good friend pointed out a rather disturbing fact to me the other day. Apparently, one of her classmates in global health class found that some horrible figure like 30% of the typical female college student's daily conversation is centered around food. Whether it's about what to eat, whether we should stop eating, boasting about how much we just ate, or weighing the pros and cons of going for that study-break cookie--it's all about food. Some of it in a healthy way, most of it not. The mere fact that we talk about it so much sounds pretty unhealthy to me. Once my friend mentioned this to me I noticed how much of my conversation really does revolve around food. I think I'm the last person to have an eating disorder, but it's fascinating (and horrifying) to me that my conversational skills are so limited by what I put in my stomach.

This reminds me of Michael Pollan's idea that America is afflited by a national eating disorder. As omnivores, so much of our everyday brain power is devoted to deciding what to eat--whether it's safe, what the benefits will be to us, and most of all, whether or not we desire it at the particular moment.

I remember the days when I ran cross country in high school and could put anything and everything into my stomach. Huge plates of pasta before the big race. Waffle cones filled with double, triple scoops of cookies 'n cream ice cream. Everything except for milk--which, I found out the hard way, takes hours to digest and will slosh around uncomfortably in your stomach for everyone within ten steps of you to hear. Back then, I'm sure I talked about food a great deal, but most of it was in anticipation of what I was going to eat next. Never about whether or not I should eat something. Now, though, maybe because of the limited healthy options available to me on a college campus, or maybe because I have some kind of minor eating disorder that afflicts all American young women, so much of my brain power is put to the useless task of deciding whether it is "okay" for me to eat something or not.

I say, forget about whether or not you should eat that cookie. Who cares if there are 300 calories in it? Just eat the damn thing, and think of those 300 calories as extra energy that you'll use to power your brain in its new task of thinking about something useful.

How you might play Rachmaninoff with small hands...

2007-10-26T18:58:00.000-04:00

This is awesome. Sometimes I wish I were genetically engineered to have six fingers on each hand, like the guy who plays Rachmaninoff in the movie Gattaca. But no, that would make me kind of weird.

Leon Fleisher to come next month!

2007-10-26T15:06:00.000-04:00

Next week I'm auditioning to play at a master class with Leon Fleisher, quite possibly the most influential pianist in North America. He teaches at the Peabody Conservatory of Music and studied under Artur Schnabel, an Austrian pianist. I'll admit it: I didn't know much about Fleisher until a few months ago, when I first heard about this master class. I always feel a little out of place among my piano-playing peers when I'm at student recitals, since I have virtually no knowledge of music theory (as my teacher so kindly points out during every lesson), and am entirely unfamiliar with the great pianists. I don' t need to know much about Fleisher to know that he is amazing, though. Read his bio here, and watch him play Ravel's concerto for the left hand. It's so amazingly dark.

I was nervous before, but now I think I might trip when I get on the stage, fall over the piano bench, and hit my forehead on the keys with the most dissonant chord that you've ever heard. I'd love to have the opportunity to play with him at the master class, but it's not hard for me to imagine a scenario where he'll ask me something about a phrase elision or an appoggiatura (what?) and I'll just stare at him blankly in front of the whole crowd in the auditorium.

Excited...
But very nervous.

Watson of Watson & Crick is racist?!

2007-10-25T17:34:00.000-04:00

It's pretty amazing how someone can make such a huge contribution to one area of science, and then take us about a million steps backward in another (read about it here). Watson of Watson & Crick, what are you saying?

Feeling young

2007-10-24T01:50:00.001-04:00

There was an article in today's newspaper about the social awkwardness of entering college at a younger age than the norm. I can usually get through most of the year (except for birthdays) without remembering that I'm younger than most of my friends. I'm only a year behind, though, so I can hardly complain...one of my neighbors, I believe, is an 18 year old senior. Most of my friends have already turned 22, or are just about to, and to them, 21st birthdays are old news. At every party--okay, the two or so that I've been to this semester--my tell-tale vertical ID gives me away every time. Besides the part about maturing to the point where I am supposed to be able to handle myself around alcohol, what is there in a year?

I've also been hearing about a lot of my acquaintances from home getting married or engaged. They're all my age, but their lives seem so far ahead of mine. I'm guessing it'll be a decade or so before I get married (and at this rate, with my shyness, it'll probably be half a decade before I ever find a relationship). Granted, I'll be having a completely different set of experiences, which I am pretty sure I will love. But when the day comes that my friends now start getting married... well, this is when that year will be more than just a year to me. It'll be my full-fledged excuse.

A bit of leisure reading

2007-10-21T20:09:00.000-04:00

I've found another thing to occupy my attention when I am not and should be working: medical blogs. Blogs from veterans in the profession, and from rookies who have just started med school. I know, I'm probably about ten years behind on this technology fad. You'd think I would spend more time reading blogs, considering I write one that doesn't really get read. So, I'm going to start reading blogs now. The New York Times, and blogs.

If I wanted a really well-rounded base of knowledge, I would read multiple newspapers and not just the NYTimes. And maybe I would force myself to read the Business section every now and then for some information about the captivating? no, dry world of economics. But no, I'm liberal and lazy.

I've also found some great blogs from people who are or have done Teach For America (something I'm thinking about for my post-graduation plans). This is the beauty of blogs - the ability to read all the different point of views from those who are doing what I hope to be doing myself. One day I'll have one of those blogs myself. When I'm a little less lazy.

More NYTimes Coverage of China's Economic Boom and Environmental Woes

2007-09-27T16:59:00.000-04:00

Excerpt from the NYTimes front page article today:

"For the Communist Party, the immediate challenge is the prosaic task of forcing the world’s most dynamic economy to conserve and protect clean water. Water pollution is so widespread that regulators say a major incident occurs every other day. Municipal and industrial dumping has left broad sections of many rivers “unfit for human contact.”

Cities like Beijing and Tianjin have shown progress on water conservation, but China’s economy continues to emphasize growth. Industry in China uses 3 to 10 times more water, depending on the product, than industries in developed nations.

“We have to now focus on conservation,” said Ma Jun, a prominent environmentalist and author of “China’s Water Crisis.” “We don’t have much extra water resources. We have the same resources and much bigger pressures from growth.”

In the past, the Communist Party has reflexively turned to engineering projects to address water problems, and now it is reaching back to one of Mao’s unrealized schemes: the $62 billion South- to-North Water Transfer Project to funnel 45 billion cubic meters, or 12 trillion gallons, northward every year along three routes from the Yangtze River basin, where water is more abundant. The project, if fully built, would be completed in 2050. The eastern and central lines are already under construction; the western line, the most controversial because of environmental concerns, remains in the planning stages.

The North China Plain undoubtedly needs any water it can get. An economic powerhouse with more than 200 million residents, the region has limited rainfall and depends on groundwater for 60 percent of its water supply. Other countries have aquifers that are being drained to dangerously low levels, like Yemen, India, Mexico and the United States. But scientists say the aquifers below the North China Plain may be drained within 30 years."

How amazing is Andrew Bird?

2007-09-17T01:26:00.001-04:00

I've recently fallen in love with a musician named Andrew Bird. He's a violinist, a mandolinist, a glockenspielist, a guitarist, and a phenomenal whistler, among many other things. And, best of all, he does all of these things in one song by looping back. His lyrics can be enigmatic at times (according to Andrew himself, he just says words that feel right), but at other times there is so much subtle meaning.

Here's one of my favorites, called Imitosis:

He's keeping busy
Yeah he's bleeding stones
With his machinations and his palindromes
It was anything but hear the voice
Anything but hear the voice
It was anything but hear the voice
That says that we're all basically alone

Poor Professor Pynchon had only good intentions
When he put his Bunsen burners all away
And turning to a playground in a Petri dish
Where single cells would swing their fists
At anything that looks like easy prey
In this nature show that rages every day
It was then he heard his intuition say

We were all basically alone
And despite what all his studies had shown
That what's mistaken for closeness
Is just a case of mitosis
And why do some show no mercy
While others are painfully shy
Tell me doctor can you quantify
He just wants to know the reason why
The reason why

Why do they congregate in groups of four
Scatter like a billion spores
And let the wind just carry them away
How can kids be so mean
Our famous doctor tried to glean
As he went home at the end of the day
In this nature show that rages every day
It was then he heard his intuition say

We were all basically alone
Despite what all his studies had shown
That what's mistaken for closeness
Is just a case of mitosis
Sure fatal doses of malcontent through osmosis
And why do some show no mercy
While others are painfully shy
Tell me doctor, can you quantify
The reason why?

Watch him in live performance. He does some interesting rhythm and variations of the lyrics, so that you aren't going to see him just play the same version of the song that you'd hear on the CD. Maybe it's just that he was a violinist from the age of four (and I love string players), but he is one of my all-time favorites. And he won me over pretty quickly, considering I just downloaded his albums two weeks ago.

He was in my area just last week, but I missed it because I was sick, didn't have a ride, and didn't have time to convert my friends to love his music. Next time...

In sickness and in health

2007-09-12T19:26:00.001-04:00

I've made a pact with myself to begin the school year in good health. Despite this minor setback of a cold that I've just come down with, three weeks into the year (so soon!), I'm determined to eat healthy, sleep well, and get all of my daily nutrients. Who says you can't be healthy in times of stress with constant access to free pizza?

My priorities are as follows:

Eat balanced meals with at least two servings of vegetables and fruit (this should be more, but it's so hard to get good fruit and veggies on campus)
Take my Centrum vitamins, from A to Zinc!
Chew my calcium chocolates
Drink a cup of soy milk or eat several yogurts as daily snacks
Go to the gym at least three times a week

Alright... so far I've been doing this each day, more or less. It's not a rigorous study, but I have data to back my methods up: just three days ago, I came down with what threatened to be a bad case of the common cold. I had chills, aches, and what I think was a fever (without a thermostat, I really can't tell). But three days later, I'm in the last stages of the cold, with all of my previous energy restored. Hooray! All it took was a lot of sleep, vitamin C, and a lot of ginger and lemon tea. That last part is key, according to my sister--and I believe it now.

Here's to staying healthy for the rest of the year. Hoping I don't get sick again this semester...

Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Fundraiser

2007-09-05T00:42:00.000-04:00

Help me fundraise for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! I'm walking 2 miles for the Light the Night Walk next Tuesday, Sept. 11 in honor of all the kids who are afflicted with cancer, and especially in memory of a great little buddy I had while volunteering at the hospital, who passed away last spring. Anything you can contribute, from $5 to $1 will help!

Donate here!

I'm only $10 short of my goal of $200, so help me out!
Thanks. :)

So Many Problems

2007-08-25T22:20:00.000-04:00

The NYTimes front page article today:

"No country in history has emerged as a major industrial power without creating a legacy of environmental damage that can take decades and big dollops of public wealth to undo.

But just as the speed and scale of China’s rise as an economic power have no clear parallel in history, so its pollution problem has shattered all precedents. Environmental degradation is now so severe, with such stark domestic and international repercussions, that pollution poses not only a major long-term burden on the Chinese public but also an acute political challenge to the ruling Communist Party. And it is not clear that China can rein in its own economic juggernaut.

Public health is reeling. Pollution has made cancer China’s leading cause of death, the Ministry of Health says. Ambient air pollution alone is blamed for hundreds of thousands of deaths each year. Nearly 500 million people lack access to safe drinking water.

Chinese cities often seem wrapped in a toxic gray shroud. Only 1 percent of the country’s 560 million city dwellers breathe air considered safe by the European Union. Beijing is frantically searching for a magic formula, a meteorological deus ex machina, to clear its skies for the 2008 Olympics..."

I love the place, but I always thought that if I spent more than a year there, I would get cancer. Looks like this fear wasn't ungrounded.

Watching China from afar is like watching a teenager plunge through puberty, growing taller and faster and learning how to produce things on a large scale with the labor force of all of the cells in his body (if you can call it that)... except that this teenager is growing so fast that he hasn't yet learned how to move his limbs without breaking things. And in the meantime, his body is polluted with junk food, acne raging, immune system collapsing.

We watch it with a rush of desire to help (after all, we've been through it too) and a feeling of mixed repulsion and fear. I don't quite know how to put it, but everything going on there makes me feel awe, and a lot of fear.

Waiting to graduate

2007-08-24T23:51:00.000-04:00

A short while ago, I was apprehensive at best about graduating soon. Now, I think I've more or less gotten over my apprehension. I do love college--I know I won't find such an odd combination of ambition, collective intellect, and complete irresponsibility anywhere else. But I think I'm ready to go someplace new (and being here again reminds me that I can't wait to be able to sleep without people screaming in the hall). I can't wait to begin traveling, and I wouldn't even mind working for the most part of my "year-off." Even better is the idea that my good friend recently planted in my head: I might have the option of working for half a year while I get my applications and interviews over with, and then spending the latter half of the year in Nepal on a teaching fellowship. Or anywhere in the world, really! Oh, that would be amazing.

China in Africa... who's benefitting?

2007-08-20T16:39:00.000-04:00

"Keegan Chibuye said he had concerns about the way the Chinese managers were running the mine almost from the beginning.

“They were careless,” he said. “Safety was not their priority. Everything was about productivity no matter what.”

On April 20, 2005, Keegan Chibuye heard an ear-splitting boom that would shatter his world — a huge blast at the explosives factory.

There was almost nothing left of Vennie and Mwape left to bury. Virtually all the bodies had been incinerated. Only fragments were buried just off the main road at the graveyard built by the Chinese owners — a finger, an ear, a bit of scalp. As the 46 headstones testify, most of the workers were young, born after 1980.

Officials of the company that runs the mine did not respond to repeated telephone requests for an interview to talk about working conditions and safety at the mine. But at the Chinese workers’ compound in Chambishi, Han Yaping, who identified himself as the company’s human resources manager, said that the company hoped to help Zambia develop."

End of Summer Thoughts

2007-08-17T23:50:00.000-04:00

The test is over. Trying not to turn into a paranoid pre-med (although I might be already, as much as I try to deny it) and stay away from the forums about the test, but somehow I'm drawn to what other people are saying about it. It seems like everyone--at least, the people who go through the trouble to post online--feels more or less the same way about it. It was such a strange test, but, having no other experience, I can't ask for better or worse. Just crossing my fingers that when the scores come in September, I won't be devastated.

But onto the new and the exciting. Back to school in a week, and finding it difficult, in some ways, and yet am so very grateful, that it's actually the last year! I'm starting independent study in the fall, and haven't gotten around to reading the articles or doing the research I should be doing. It should be exciting, though. Speaking of things I should be doing, I should also be keeping an eye out for job opportunities for my year after graduation. What oh what am I going to do? I'd best not end up unemployed and living at home--because that would be a great thing to explain to an admissions officer.

I've been reading loads of books this summer--numbering around twenty or so--in an attempt to get my mind off MCAT and escape to the mini pleasures of the mini worlds I've created in my head. It's been a wonderful time, as I've been reading things from old fantasy books I read when I was 10, to Dickens and Michael Pollans' The Omnivore's Dilemma. The Omnivore's Dilemma is an excellent book, that everyone who wants to be at all aware of what they eat, and how the food industry really operates, should read. Especially anyone who is fully convinced that buying "organic" is truly doing good for animals, farms, and the environment. Of course, while it may not be a perfectly harmless alternative (nothing really is), it's probably the best option.

Well, it's back to work for now, after a brief respite. As terrible as I and everyone else might make it sound, studying for the MCAT is not that taxing--provided that you aren't at school or working full-time simultaneously. I spent a great deal of time lounging around my house everyday. It felt so entirely different from being at school and slaving away in the library. So, I guess I wouldn't be wrong to say that it's been, overall, a pretty great summer.

It's Coming

2007-08-09T13:29:00.000-04:00

MCAT test day is a week from today. Now, it's not so much a question of how nervous I am, but how sick I am of studying and waiting for the day to arrive. I hope this feeling bordering on apathy that I have for the test means I am ready!

Mid-summer

2007-07-13T00:34:00.000-04:00

I've just been skimming through the last couple entries, and I've realized (for the hundredth time) that 1) I stress too much, and 2) I have a habit of sounding negative or cynical every time I write. I guess it makes sense, since I tend to blog when I need to vent some place.

For a change, I'd like to say that things are fine. MCAT studying is where I want it to be at this point in time, I'm realizing that I have far more options for after graduation than I think I do, and I'm having a lot of fun reading books until I fall asleep. It's great, being at home, eating my parents' home cooking all day, reading Harry Potter, and doing a bit of studying every now and then. I probably won't get to do this any other time in my life.

There, I feel better already. I think I'm inspired to go study some more.

Riddikulus

2007-07-12T00:32:00.000-04:00

I'm glad this is the top emailed story on the NYTimes, because this is really ridiculous.

Employing bacteria to do our housecleaning

2007-06-30T01:41:00.000-04:00

The NYTimes reported a really interesting breakthrough today:

"Scientists at the institute directed by J. Craig Venter, a pioneer in sequencing the human genome, are reporting that they have successfully transplanted the genome of one species of bacteria into another, an achievement they see as a major step toward creating synthetic forms of life....
[Dr. Venter's] goal is to make cells that might take carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere and produce methane, used as a feedstock for other fuels. Such an achievement might reduce dependency on fossil fuels and strike a blow at global warming....
Booting up cells with new genomes is a major limitation in synthetic biology, Dr. Venter said. With that hurdle now crossed, it will be possible to 'design cells in future to manufacture new types of fuel and break our dependency on oil and do something about carbon dioxide going into the atmosphere.'"

This is really cool, sensationalist genetic engineering--but why are we going through the trouble to make bacteria that will do our greenhouse cleaning for us? Shouldn't we be doing it ourselves? Granted, we are trying--but it's always so much easier for us to devise some convenient way to make something else do the work.

A Word on Harry Potter

2007-06-29T00:21:00.001-04:00

An excerpt from a recent Time magazine article:

"On June 18 a hacker calling himself "Gabriel" announced on a website that he had done exactly what the Harry Potter brain trust most feared: stolen the text of Deathly Hallows. Explaining that he had gained access to a Bloomsbury employee's computer using an e-mail-borne Trojan-horse program, he posted what he claimed were key plot points from the book (which won't be repeated here). He framed his actions as a Christian counterattack against a work that promoted the "Neo-Paganism faith." Quoth Gabriel: "We make this spoiler to make reading of the upcoming book useless and boring."

The spoilers are almost certainly fake. Gabriel didn't offer a shred of evidence supporting their authenticity, and anyway, boasting about things that you haven't actually done is pretty much what hacker culture is all about. But even if the spoilers were genuine, it wouldn't matter.

On this point, both hacker and publisher share a key misunderstanding of what reading is all about. People read books for any number of reasons; finding out how the story ends is one among many and not even the most important. If it were otherwise, nobody would ever bother to read a book twice. Reading is about spending time with characters and entering a fictional world and playing with words and living through a story page by page. The idea that someone could ruin a novel by revealing its ending is like saying you could ruin the Mona Lisa by revealing that it's a picture of a woman with a center part. Spoilers are a myth: they don't spoil. No elaborate secrecy campaign is going to make Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows any better than it already is, and no website could possibly make it useless and boring."

I can't wait for July 21st, and no hackers can ever ruin the experience for me (anyway I'm one of those readers who gets impatient and starts flipping through the book to glance at what happens at the end--but I keep reading anyway).

Stuck in a rut

2007-06-28T01:57:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been spending a lot of time sitting around the house and staring off into space, thinking and worrying about far too many things for my own good. There are times when your thinking gets beyond you, to the point where you feel immobilized by all the questions that your mind has managed to scavenge from who-knows-where. Summer break is always one of those times.

On top of trying to figure out what to do with myself for a gap year after I graduate from school next year, I am also struggling to focus on studying for the test of all tests. Aggggg. Days begin shortly after noon, once I've mustered enough energy to boost myself out of morning stupor (I start the summer waking up early, and slowly, somehow, I always end the summer waking up well into mid-day). After a few hours of re-learning all the concepts I learned in all my general science courses, I get frustrated for the day and end up on the couch reading a novel instead (I've read some really good ones lately, like The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, and am now reading The Namesake. Can't wait for Harry Potter. Ohhh books). Then after several hours of reading, I realize it's already evening, and I've wasted away most of the day without thinking about my post-grad plans, or even thinking about thinking about them. And then I sit and stare, stuck in a feeling of immobility, until the TV provides me with a welcome distraction for the rest of the night.

Maybe it's too early for me to be worrying about what I'm going to do after I graduate (it really isn't, at least not for the track I'm headed on--premeds are expected to have everything planned out to the umpteenth degree, that's just how the application process works. Blah AMCAS.). Anyhow, the things I really want to do require that I apply within the next two months.

If I can get through this summer with some MCAT scores I can be satisfied with, and an idea of what I am doing after I graduate, I will be so ecstatic.

Evolution

2007-06-15T22:22:00.000-04:00

Why couldn't I be one evolutionary step ahead and not have had wisdom teeth in the first place? So much numbness, puffiness, drooling, blood, money, and pain, for four tiny little things in my mouth. I guess I'm just glad my appendix hasn't threatened to rupture.

Why the MCAT will make me crazy

2007-06-11T17:16:00.000-04:00

Ever since I started studying for the MCAT four days ago, I've been going through a cycle of intermittent phases. Panic, calm down, feel horribly inadequate, feel a little too confident with myself. And then I quit and watch 3 episodes of Lost.

I need to stop this war with myself and just concentrate on studying.

Summer Reading

2007-06-10T13:32:00.001-04:00

I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, a book that my friend recommended to me, and also the summer reading assignment for last year's freshman, class of '10. There is something about the summer books that Duke assigns (last year it was The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini) that make me overly emotional--with the exception of the reading for my own freshman class, Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder, which had its merits because it was about Paul Farmer, but was far less stimulating as a book.

My Sister's Keeper is about a topic that I am somewhat familiar with through my time volunteering at the pediatric blood & marrow transplant unit. Maybe because I recognize the terms "blasts" and "acute myelogenous leukemia", or because it reminds me of the time when I went to my friend's funeral mass and saw the faces of parents who had lost their child to leukemia, or maybe just because it was some pretty good fiction, I found myself crying at the end. For some reason the older I get, the easier I cry at movies and books. I wonder why that is...emotional maturity? Or maybe you just see more and more grief as you grow up, so that all of these storylines begin to resonate with something inside you.

Well, I recommend it to anyone who is looking for a book to read. I'm also on a hunt for the old fantasy books I used to read as a kid. Every time I come home from school, I get this weird irrepressible nostalgia that I can only satisfy by watching old family movies and reading old books.

懒惰

2007-05-26T23:24:00.000-04:00

Being lazy in Beijing. Lately I've just been hanging around with my friends and sister, watching movies, eating well, giving into our irrational urges to eat western food. It's so strange that when I'm in the U.S., I really have no desire to eat purely American food, but after being here for two weeks I suddenly want to devour a hamburger.

Teaching this past week was alright; we are adapting slowly but surely to teaching the older students. I find myself often becoming frustrated with the fact that we can't make use of our knowledge to teach them anything more advanced, like how to form a complex sentence, or even carry on a basic conversation in English. There is such a large discrepancy between the best of the best in the class and the students who have had so little learning experience that they are ashamed to utter a sentence. This difference exists in any class, for sure, but is definitely more pronounced where we are teaching.

Onto our last week of teaching and interviewing! Dreading heading back home, because then I'll have to start studying for real.

Caifang-ing

2007-05-20T07:07:00.000-04:00

I'm lazy, so I'm going to post a paragraph from a previous email...

Last Friday the school was having an all day event, so we hung around the city all day. In the morning we went to Beijing University to interview people about their perception of migrant workers, and got a very wide range of opinions. Several of the people we interviewed were migrants themselves, who had come to sell their wares on the side of the road. One of the guys was a professor from Beida and Tsinghua, who ended up preaching to us for 30 minutes during which a huge crowd of Chinese people and students gathered around to listen. This goes on my list of things that are so random they happen only in China (or some other equally random place). In addition to the general lack of inhibition when intruding on someone's personal space--personal space is really only a western notion, or an American notion, where we have enough space to actually have our own room--Chinese people also have no problem reading over your shoulder when they are interested in what you are writing, especially when it's in English.

My friend (who was doing most of the interviewing) compared interviewing people to a cold shower: each time you do it doesn't make it easier the next time. But, unlike a cold shower, unexpected things can happen in interviews, and you can end up listening to a professor lecture about the GDP and property values when all you really asked about was how he felt about migrant workers. As soon as the professor found out that I was Taiwanese (I should really stop telling people this, but everyone seems so intent on finding out when I obviously don't look Chinese OR American), he kept emphasizing the fact that China's annual birthrate is 8 million, so that "in 3 years they can easily make a Taiwan, no problem." I sense a pretty uniform opinion here that Taiwan should be part of China. It actually is an interesting topic, and I would be more willing to talk about Taiwan if people here would stop attacking me directly when they speak.

About to plunge into a week of nonstop teaching and interviewing. So far so good!

head, shoulders, knees & toes

2007-05-17T07:56:00.000-04:00

Been in Beijing for 6 days now (has it only been that long? It feels like I've lived here for a month now). There is always such a huge thrill from being thrown into a foreign place and learning to find your way around to all of the necessary places. Granted, it is a lot easier knowing enough of the language to manage. :)

The place my friends and I live in is in the middle of a small, very old and run-down apartment complex near the electronics market sector of Beijing. Despite any initial thoughts of "ohhh man this is where we're living? We're really roughing it...", we've really grown to like the place. Every evening the complex begins to bustle with the sounds and scenes of nightlife, as people get off work and come to the small side-street restaurants for their yang rou chuanr fix, and in the mornings there is always someone playing chess in the street. It's a dusty little road that we live on, but I'm really growing fond of it.

Teaching has been improving exponentially. When we first started out with a fifth grade class, we were nearly clueless, but now we're starting to adapt. So far we've taught four classes (working with mostly body part vocab, and the song in the title is a hit so far), and next week we're going to be teaching about 20... so there is a lot of work to be done over the weekend! I suddenly have a newfound respect for all teachers in general, and especially those of older kids - middle school and above. They get so difficult after they've outgrown the wide-eyed enchanted phase of childhood.

More later. In short, I'm having a great time. :)

China, again

2007-05-08T13:54:00.000-04:00

Leaving tomorrow night for Beijing...eep! Very nervous, very excited, and just glad that my friend will be flying with me tomorrow so that when I arrive at the airport in BJ I don't feel completely isolated. Also having huge doubts about whether my Chinese is good enough for me to be doing this project... but I will have to cope.

Will write again, from an internet cafe somewhere across the world. =)

Stress

2007-05-02T21:49:00.000-04:00

I stress myself out too much. Even when I'm done with finals and on my way to China, I will still have a million things to stress about. I'll bet that even when I am 80+ years old and have fulfilled all my life dreams, I will still find something to stress out about, probably my grand kids' futures.

Man. I think the last time I wasn't stressed out about something was probably in elementary school -- but then I was probably stressed out about whether I would be able to open the pizza sauce packet on my pizza Lunchable at lunch time, and what my strategy would be when we played lava monster at recess.

The bane of my existence

2007-05-01T11:43:00.000-04:00

It's not finals that's bothering me - no, it's the IRB. Who knew that a dinky little office on Research Drive could make my life so difficult? I'm never doing human subject research again.

One more year down, one left to go

2007-04-26T20:45:00.001-04:00

It's that time of the year again, when I get more sleep than usual--for brain power--and spend my days camped out with all of my relevant belongings in the engineering study tower (I like it here better; the library scares me during finals). It's always a little fun, having half of my possessions spread out on a table, having an excuse to wear pajamas all day, and going on snack hunts every three hours.

Oh, but there are also these things called 3 hour tests on everything I've learned in the past 5 months. The process isn't so fun, but at the end I always feel like I've accomplished something substantial (that is, if I studied well and actually retained the info).

Waiting for that feeling, in a week + a few days from today, when I will feel free~
And also waiting for that IRB approval, so that I can actually go to China. What happens if I already have a ticket to go / already made plans with a homestay and the people at the research site, and I don't get approved to do research? Crap.

Kelley is going to China.

2007-04-10T18:43:00.000-04:00

And is very, very excited. =)

Bored with work.

2007-04-08T19:02:00.000-04:00

I'm bored with this semester. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I've learned is how to pull an argument out of thin air when I've only done half the reading, how to use a gazillion functions on my computer that I never wanted to use, and how to convert units from cgs to SI. I'm not even sure if I can do the latter.

Hoping that next semester I might learn something productive. I'm excited for my independent study to start, but also apprehensive that I'll just be completely lost without constant guidance. There is such a huge leap between introductory courses, where the TA holds your hand in every step, to the higher level courses where you're expected to take off on your own without breaking anything. Just like I went from learning the basics of a molecular orbital one semester, to having this thing called a Schrodinger equation thrown at me with variables that I've never seen before in the next. I assume this discrepancy will only feel larger when I graduate and have to figure out medical/graduate school on my own.

Only a few more weeks to go before I can do something interesting.
Happy Easter!

Pharmacology and the Stomach Flu

2007-04-05T15:23:00.000-04:00

I've come down with yet another (and nastier) bug - the stomach flu! I'm less excited about this than the exclamation point indicates. So, I thought I'd share some more great ways to take care of yourself when you are sick in your dorm room and your mom isn't around to sing you to sleep.

From my roommate: 1/2 cup of water and 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda (no more, or it will taste terrible!!!) mixed together thoroughly until the baking soda is dissolved is like magic medicine for an upset stomach. What better than a base like sodium bicarbonate to neutralize your rampant acids in your stomach? I'm such a nerd.

You should never take aspirin, ibuprofen, or other NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, i.e. many pain medications) when you have a stomach issue. Why?

In the pain pathway, there are two enzymes that are especially responsible for creating pain and inflammation. These are the cyclooxygenase-I and cyclooxygenase-II (COX-I, II) enzymes. COX-I regulates some normal functions of your body--the thickness of your stomach lining and the release of gastric acid in your stomach, for example. The COX-II enzymes are the ones responsible for your excruciating pain. NSAIDs, however, aren't entirely selective for the COX-II enzymes, and will also have adverse effects on your COX-I enyzmes, creating the risk for stomach ulcers and increased irritation. This is why you should never take aspirin for an extended period of time for a fever or otherwise. And definitely why you should never take one of these medications when you have the stomach flu.

I think all this writing of science fair activities is turning me into one of those really cheesy science guys on TV. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that this is my body telling me that I need to stop running around like a mad person. I need a break!

Resting until further notice...

Drugged up on Chinese medicine

2007-03-18T15:28:00.000-04:00

As a result of my very rudimentary training in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), I've adopted some very sketchy ways of taking care of myself when I'm sick. For instance, I've been taking these orange pills that one of my professors in China gave me for the common cold--or at least that's what I'm able to make out from the Chinese on the label. Side effects? Possible harmful effects from drug-drug combinations with western drugs? I guess I'll find out soon enough!

In the event that I fall extremely ill, I think I might even pop the little red "emergency pill" that sits on top of my jar of Yunnan Baiyao: the cure-all for minor cuts, scrapes, breaks, and organ failures. Despite having visited the government factory where they manufacture the stuff, and having watched an extremely propagandist film about the history of Baiyao, I still have no idea what its mechanism of action is. It's like magic medicine.

You'd think that I would be more careful about combining TCM drugs (I can't even read half of the label) with anything else I might ingest. But whether it's just the placebo effect or it's really working, all of these things tend to make me feel better in the long run. I guess I'll keep doing it!

While I'm at it, here's a simple remedy: by rubbing a little bit of tiger balm on your temples, you can dispel dizziness, drowsiness, and headaches. This one really works. =)

On Dreams

2007-02-26T16:49:00.000-05:00

I always wish I can remember more of my dreams, at least of the ordinary ones--only the vivid dreams stick with me when I wake up, like the ones in which spiders are crawling on my face, or the ones involving the boy I like. The ordinary ones, though, are usually about something I am really worried about--exams, presentations, my future, the like.

Last night I think I had a dream that I was playing in an orchestra (maybe the youth orchestra of my high school days, I'm not sure). I have quite a few of these "orchestra dreams," last night especially because I had just gone to a friend's violin recital, so you could say that my neck twinged a bit with the memory of a long gone bruise. (Okay, that's melodramatic--I was never good enough to have a real bruise.)

Anyway, I seem to have been living in the past, because in my dream famous composers who are already dead kept calling into the orchestra office, and my unrecognizable friend and I were appointed to answer the calls. They were calling about pieces that they had commissioned us to play (or maybe it was the other way around--we had commissioned them to write pieces for us to play?) I remember picking up the phone and realizing that the person on the other side of the line was none other than Dmitri Shostakovich. (What good ol' Dmitri was doing calling our orchestra, I have no idea) I shoved the phone onto my friend, and had a panick attack: "There is no way I can talk to Shostakovich on the phone! He's Shostakovich! I don't know what to say to him!"

And I thought my dreams had to do with my real life worries. I guess somewhere deep down I am seriously worried about what I will possibly have to say to Shostakovich if he ever calls me up.

Youtube is down

2007-02-22T02:39:00.000-05:00

OH NO. I had such great plans for this post, too.

It better be back up so I can watch the next episode of Death Note. Come ON.

Hidden

2007-02-21T02:24:00.000-05:00

For the past 7 days I haven't spent any time in my room besides the 7 hours I spend sleeping (and possible another hour here or there).

This is what happens when midterms roll around -- but for some reason it seems a hundred times worse this semester. Errrr I need to get out and do something, see something, experience something other than myself and the sounds of my brain.

Paul Rusesabagina (the real guy who Don Cheadle plays in Hotel Rwanda) is coming to Duke tomorrow to speak on ethics. Excited.

Sorry this is so disjointed.
Also, Happy New Year!!

Why I didn't get to see Nicholas Kristof...

2007-02-08T19:57:00.001-05:00

Nicholas Kristof, who easily earns awesome status in my book, came to speak on the Darfur crisis in Raleigh last Tuesday. And I missed it, because I was too busy working on a time-consuming but otherwise worthless assignment for physical chemistry lab. Just like I missed getting to meet Valentino Achak Deng when he came to a bookstore just minutes off of campus, because I had to sort out a ridiculous debacle with ordering books for classes.

I hate missing great opportunities because of stupid responsibilities. I think I need to do some re-working of my priorities.

We spoke about the possibility and practicality of U.S. intervention in Darfur today in my human rights class. What terribly vexed me, though, was that so many of my fellow classmates thought that intervention was impossible because the U.S. doesn't have the resources to commit to something that may very well turn into a long-term ordeal in ensuring stability in the region (if stability is at all a feasible goal). And as a result of incomplete intervention, the region will only descend into further chaos. This is a very valid point. But there is a very valid counterpoint as well: if we are going to be 100% certain that we have the resources to ensure the success of every one of our actions (which certainly wasn't something we considered with Iraq...) then we'll never be able to do anything.

This is a bad analogy for many reasons, but let's say you wake up tomorrow and decide to be 100% certain you won't fail before you do anything. Can you even get out of bed safely without rolling off, snagging yourself on your blanket, or bruising your knee on the corner of your bed frame?

There is such a huge difference between the students in my history of genocide class last semester and my current political science class. I'm a little disappointed, because the latter will probably end up continuing our history of hesitant policy-making in the near future. I realize there is a large difference between discussion of genocide and implementation into viable policy, but I wish it wasn't so.

Focus?

2007-02-04T16:54:00.000-05:00

Lately so many things have been on my mind that I'm finding it incredibly difficult to focus. Among the things I am trying to get straight are: what I'm going to do in the next three years, how I'm going to do it, and if my parents will agree what I choose to do (even if it means delaying medical school for a few years or, who knows, choosing not to go after all). I've also been consumed with how I'm going to divide my time this semester. It's so difficult to strike a balance between, well, everything.

It's the beginning-of-the-semester sorting, as usual.

I hate getting into this cycle of work that consumes me all semester-long. The substantial part of me that loves to work for the feeling of reward at work's end is appeased, but I miss the excitement of spontaneity. I've always been satisfied with a certain degree of routine in my life, but now I am beginning to tire.

Good Eats: Hot Wings

2007-02-04T16:42:00.000-05:00

For anybody like me who loves chicken wings but is tired of paying $6 for a plate of 8 wings, here is a simple home-discovered recipe. For the marinade, you need: (the following are approximate amounts, you can add to taste)

1/2 cup soy sauce
1 tbsp vinegar
3 tbsp white wine
1 tbsp sugar (or to taste)
3 stalks scallions
1 tbsp chile paste / chile powder
1 clove garlic

Mix the above ingredients in a bowl and dress the chicken wings with this marinade. Leave about 1/3 of the marinade.
To bake the chicken wings: place them side by side on a cookie sheet and bake at 450 degrees, or grill until done.

When finished, the extra marinade can be used as a dipping sauce or can be spread over the wings evenly.
This is making me hungry...

What else is there?

2007-01-27T16:31:00.000-05:00

Kelley:

I attended my first Catholic mass today. It was a celebratory mass, to celebrate the very short but brilliant life of a little boy dear to me. As I was sitting there, trying to follow along in the Hymn book, stumbling over the lines in response to spoken prayer that everyone seems to know exactly when and how to mutter, standing to the side as nearly everyone else moved forward to receive Communion--aside from feeling completely alienated--I began to think about religion and why it seems necessary when an innocent child dies.

It's not often that I think of God or of faith, and I'm pretty unclear about what kind of faith I might belong to or seek solace in. But lately, as I've been watching this little boy fight a losing struggle with cancer, I've been racking my brain for words of comfort for his family and could find nothing except words of faith.... Nothing else seemed to suffice.

I don't pray often, either, but in the past week I've been praying a lot to a God that I barely know. In the face of death, I don't know what else to turn to except something beyond the human spirit.

May he rest in peace.

Just like in Kung Fu Hustle

2007-01-25T00:17:00.000-05:00

A friend shared this strange news item with me just now, and I felt like I was obligated to pass it on. The kid must be a disciple of the landlady in Kung Fu Hustle.

1800 yuan is also a huge price to pay for killing a bunch of chickens.... Although it isn't much in US currency it is a considerable amount of money with regard to the fact that you can eat for a day on less than a US dollar in China. That's 230 days' worth of food!

Good Eats: Thai Chicken Curry

2007-01-21T17:02:00.000-05:00

This is the first in a series of home-discovered family recipes. This week: Thai Chicken Curry (red and green).

How to fail at Thai chicken curry:

Use generic brand spice mix from the local grocery store's "Ethnic Foods" aisle
Add in the whole can of coconut milk when only half is needed
Add parsley in place of cilantro and overdo it
Result: thin, soupy, parsley-flavored coconut chicken

How to succeed at Thai chicken curry:

Buy curry paste (color of your choice) from your local Asian food market
Add 2 tbsp curry paste into pan
Add 1 can coconut milk (also from your local Asia market)
Heat until boiling
Add cubes of chicken breast
Add 5 stalks of scallions
Add a couple sprigs of cilantro to taste, along with other spices: chile powder, fish sauce, etc.
Boil for several minutes until slightlythickened, stirring every few seconds

Serve with basmati rice/steamed rice. (For presentation, pack rice into a mug or round-bottomed cup. Overturn the cup quickly onto plate and tap lightly. Spoon curry over the rice cup.)

Accents

2007-01-19T20:46:00.000-05:00

Julia:

Today I was sitting in an anthropology class, and everyone on one side of the room had some kind of accent. Some were British, some fake British, some Chinese, others were some kind of slight European lilt. When I was in college, I used to wonder why graduate students seemed so intentionally exotic, with funny accents, wearing unique shoes and some combination like hippie-chic-with-long-flowing-hair or jacket-with-cordoruy-elbow-patches.

Anyway, I was talking to someone about this yesterday and they pointed out that while people in my department don't dress too conspicuously, girls in gender and women's studies and latin american studies do have a pretty coherent look--and maybe it was because they had more women than men in those departments, and women tend to take fashion cues from each other while men probably don't.

But that still doesn't explain the accents.

Well, I guess maybe the accent's not really a choice; maybe it's just from not being from around here.

Letting it be

2007-01-13T17:41:00.000-05:00

Julia:

One of my friends has been on this kick where she tries to be conscientious of taking the people in her life for who they want to be in her life, rather than for what role she wants them to play in her own narrative of her life. I guess this means being okay with gray areas in relationships with people, and being okay with people whose roles in your life can't fit into conventional categories.

People and friendships and feelings are fluid and changing, so it may be that you can never naturally pin down somebody in your life and assign them a static role, like New Best Friend or Person Who Will Save Me On White Horse In Shining Armor, without a lot of work, some forgiveness of shortcomings, and possible disappointment.

Another of my friends is very practical about her life. She sees marriage as a moral commitment that may not be easy or natural, but is necessary for one to be functional person, worker, mother and friend. She keeps pretty strict boundaries of her life: these are my friends, this is my family, what is detrimental to either must go. She doesn't spend much time thinking about the more gray-tinged feelings people can have towards others--jealousy, guilt, a fuzzy and approximate sense of morality. On the other hand, I know someone else who seems to revel in the blurry boundaries and contradictory categories in his life. He finds jealousy and guilt and the relativity of morality completely intriguing, and sees the messiness of people's relationships with each other as human and thus more interesting than repressed politeness and clean categories of conventions.

I guess everyone just finds out for themselves how they feel about these things. But either way, it's true that it's hard to fit imperfect, changing things like people, friendships and relationships into perfect, static categories. At the same time, people and relationships are kind of the core of things--I don't think anything matters unless you have people to share things with. So it's kind of a hard thing, sometimes, trying to figure out how you want to structure your social life, what kind of commitments you want to make in your life.

College Saga

2007-01-12T02:27:00.000-05:00

This is a really well-done spoof on the Final Fantasy series, done by college student Mark Leung (who has way too much time on his hands). The attention to detail is amazing, and if you are at all familiar with the Final Fantasy games, you'll recognize a lot of things. My favorite: Leviathan's Tidal Wave, which is in episode 2 I believe. Beware, it's long!

Lies and socializing

2007-01-09T23:43:00.000-05:00

Kelley:

I've been feeling pretty personal lately, mostly because this is a personal time of the year for me--the time of figuring out exactly what I'm going to make this semester about. There is a lot of rushing about seeing friends, a lot of hearing and seeing people run at each other with arms wide open (like the Creed song) while screaming in high-pitched voices (the boys do it too).

While I'm extremely glad to see my friends again, one friend and I were talking today about how strange it is that these people seem so over eager to see one another, when it's only been three weeks. A friend once told me one of those random statistics that come from nothing but rumor--or scientific study: about 60% of the everyday 10-minute conversation is a lie. Some of the lies are the kind of lie you generally think of, but others are the kind of lie where you feign interest at the story your friend is recounting about what her friend's boyfriend did to her sister's boyfriend at a club over winter vacation. Ever since my friend told me about the study, every time I engage in one of those particularly uninteresting conversations (they come at you with a breakneck pace when you've just come back from break) my mind gets caught thinking about how many lies I am telling at the moment. I sometimes wish my friend had never told me about that statistic, because I'm becoming more genuine, and simultaneously worse at socializing.

Xanga, cleaning, and reputations in academia

2007-01-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

Julia:

I wonder why so many asian people use xanga. I guess a lot of people on xanga post personal photos and links to friends, so it's sort of more like using facebook or asian avenue or something. But still, lots of asian people use xanga, and I dunno why.

Just finished a cleaning marathon for the day. Now that I'm not in high school anymore, with my mom telling me to make my bed and sisters making their beds first and then looking at me disapprovingly, cleaning, cooking and washing dishes have become really fun and fulfilling. You can read and write forever and still not be done with your work. But once you're done cleaning, things are clean and look good. Since I spend most of my time sitting at my computer working at home, washing dishes is really fun. Soap suds and hot water everywhere, then shininess.

I just read this article in the New Yorker from half a year ago about the Russian mathematician who solved Poincare's conjecture, then turned down the Fields medal and left the math profession because he could no longer do math for the love of the game. Then, there was this very famous Chinese mathematician who had made his name early in his career with another theorem, then continued prolifically publishing smaller papers of lesser substance. Right after the Russian guy came out with his Poincare proof, the Chinese guy published another paper on Poincare, claiming the Russian guy's proof was unclear, and furthermore had a substantial hole in it (there wasn't), then reworked it with an alternative version of the original proof.

A friend of mine told me he thought that story pretty accurately mirrored the kinds of politicking that went on in his own department. A lot of my friends not in academia tell me they think it's strange that reputation counts for so much in academia. I read this article in the Chronicle of Higher Education a long time ago, once, which described the mentoring system in academia as a pyramid scheme. You're always looking to impress superiors so they'll write you recommendations and spread your reputation, and you pay back your debts later by writing a tons of recommendations and trying to talk up your own students. Reputation becomes this thing with a will of its own, sometimes so disconnected to your actual work that it's totally determined by the people who know you. But still, everyone's reasonable and smart, and I still think if you read someone's work and it doesn't match their reputation, you'll come to your own conclusions.

More on OCD

2007-01-07T00:32:00.001-05:00

Julia:

Sometimes there are faddish psychological conditions that get all over the public consciousness at certain times for various reasons. Ten years ago everyone left and right was being diagnosed with ADD and taking Ritalin. More recently it seemed like maybe there was an OCD craze going on. There was Monk, that Emmy winning tv show, and this good book about another OCD detective solving crimes.

Every time these fads go around, the less serious tics and obsessions of these conditions become secret portholes that allow their sufferers to see things in the world others can't. Nowadays everyone is ADD because of the internet. Detectives solve crimes thanks to their OCD-fueled attention to detail. Sometimes now I think maybe having a couple OCD quirks would make me a more interesting person, or maybe make me better at my job or something. I bet, though, real sufferers of these conditions are pretty annoyed by stuff like this. Tourette's is really isolating, and spending every other moment trying to quell some overwhelming urge to count orange cones while driving must be terrible. Plus, what makes these conditions innocent and interesting, and other debilitative conditions like Alzheimer's or Parkinson's not interesting at all? I guess the latter are degenerative, which is not funny at all. But ADD and OCD can be just as tragic in their more extreme forms.

I just saw this episode of Scrubs where Michael J. Fox plays an OCD surgeon whose tics seem charming until the end scene, where he's screaming at himself, not able to get himself to stop washing his hands and go home at the end of the day. It was pretty weird watching a real-life Parkinson's sufferer playing cute OCD, then playing the other, real side of having a debilitative psychological condition.

The appeal of OCD

2007-01-06T21:57:00.000-05:00

Kelley:

Since I'm on break, I've been watching a lot of TV, especially bits and pieces of the Monk marathon that has been airing for the past couple of weeks. In case you haven't seen it, Monk is a show about a detective whose obsessive compulsive disorder allows him to remember countless details. It's a comedy, so the show pokes fun at Monk's disorder, portraying him as charming albeit quirky.

So, my friends and I have been talking about our borderline OCD habits--having to type words we see and hear on imaginary keyboards over and over, scratching an itch on one side of the body only having to scratch an imaginary itch on the other side to feel balanced, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk, taking a step on the ball of the right foot and having to take a step with the left in the same position, just to name a few. It seems cool to have a borderline mental disorder because it lends your personality a few quirks. Or makes you feel crazy when you actually type your strange habits out on a blog post.

I think OCD, in moderate doses (I suppose some people--the people who really have the condition in all its seriousness--would say that moderate OCD really isn't the real deal and tell me to shut up) can also be a great advantage in some careers, like Monk's. One of my friends does research in microbiology, and I think his OCD-ness is a good reason why he enjoys the job so much. My experiences with lab research weren't the most exciting, but I found that menial tasks, like making agar gels, anything that has your hands and mind going over the same steps in a row, were oddly satisfying. It's a good feeling. I really hope that whatever OCD tendencies I have make me a good doctor one day.

Basketball and Chinese pop

2007-01-06T21:42:00.000-05:00

Julia:

Kelley tells me that shorter posts get more readers, so from now on, short posts.

Tonight my parents are watching Center Stage, this talent variety show on CCTV (they get it free with some basic cable) which features some mediocre dancing, sometimes good singing, and some interesting fusions of minority cultures and belly-baring pop. Chinese pop is usually this kind of mix of shaky dancing and sometimes good singing.

I think the kind of dancing that goes along with pop music goes over in China just like basketball does. It's a western form, and so of course it's not done as well as it is in the U.S. A friend used to always point out to me that Yao Ming is considered mediocre in the NBA, so it was weird that Chinese-Americans were so crazy about Yao Ming. To which I say: if you find me an American who can even come halfway close to Jet Li's gongfu, I'm totally willing to get excited about him too. Basketball is just as foreign and exotic to Chinese people as gongfu is to Americans; and mastering it when everything you've done in the past is totally formally different is pretty tough.

A lot of people write off the fact that most Chinese bballers are not as good as Americans as due to the height difference between Chinese people and American people. But a friend of mine in China was explaining to me once that he thought the problem wasn't height; it was the kind of competitive training that you get playing on American high school teams, and the rewarding of coordination among teammates that American coaches practice. I guess this just means that in America, the culture of basketball is so ubiquitous that in high school you always have many other pretty good local teams you compete against, or pretty good friends and neighbors you can pick up a street game against. You have that in China too, but people generally aren't as good. Then the real big factor is that coaches train players to work together collaboratively. In China, you're more likely to learn more from tv than from coaches; and on tv, you see a lot of lone superstar players celebrated for ostentatious skills and big jump shots. So less collaborative teamwork among Chinese players.

I dunno anything about basketball. But still, Chinese pop derivative may be derivative, but then, so is western gongfu and taichi. Plus I can't think of any white pingpong players at all. So I still like Chinese pop.

My friend was telling me about this Taiwanese rapper, MC Hotdog, who raps about typical things Taiwanese teenagers deal with. He raps about his parents who make him study for the college entrance exams even after he gets home from cram school, about his friends who are all too busy studying to chill with him, about girls, about worrying about college entrance exams. I think even Jay Chou has a song where he laments not getting the girl, then the next immediate line is about not getting into a good college. Pretty nice. Pretty accurate.

Gladwell on Enron

2007-01-02T22:45:00.000-05:00

Julia:

Malcolm Gladwell has an article in the latest New Yorker on the Enron incident, in which he draws attention to the differences between incidents that unfold like a mystery and incidents that unfold like a puzzle. His argument is that the unfolding of the Enron case did not proceed like a puzzle, in which investigators realized that shareholders were given incomplete information on the shady side-deals of Enron executives and proceeded to find the missing information they needed to explain Enron's sky-high stock price. Rather, the Enron case unfolded like a mystery, in which all of the information shareholders needed in order to see how Enron was cooking the books was fully disclosed from the beginning, but obscured in the white noise of complicated accounting and financial practices that firms engage in today.

Solving the Enron case meant discerning the evidence that mattered from the vast white noise of data. As Gladwell puts it, solving Enron was like diagnosing prostate cancer in an externally healthy patient or predicting the fall of the Berlin Wall from intelligence collection. All of the information you need is right there, but since there are multiple inferences you can draw from surface-level symptoms, you can't linearly deduce the origins of the problem from the ends. You solve the mystery by making predictions about the probable outcomes of critical junctures where causes meet their contingent effects, not by finding some missing piece of information, some missing link.

Gladwell's argument is really about the complexification of systems in modern society, and the inundation of puzzle pieces we have at our fingertips in today's Information Age. Intelligence, financial reports, results from medical tests--the data we need to answer our questions is nearly always out there, lost in a tangled mass of less useful data. The intelligence community is more concerned with sifting useful data from the noise of useless data. Doctors are concerned not with developing more tests for as yet undetected measures, but with developing more sophisticated explanations for the relationships between test results and diagnostic causes.

It's a great and useful distinction, this difference between problems that are puzzles and problems that are mysteries. And the argument seems to be that whereas in the past, big media cases unfolded like puzzles, today, in our complex markets, politics and societies, big scandals unfold like mysteries. The Watergate scandal and Deep Throat's provision of the key missing link to the case are a thing of the past; today, we have complex mysteries of multiple possible causes for each observed outcome. Problems are harder to solve today than they were yesterday.

But were there ever that many problems that need to be solved like a puzzle rather than a mystery? Markets, politics and societies are undeniably more complex systems now than before, but haven't problems always had multiple contingencies and multiple causes? Haven't problems always been mysteries, regardless of how we treat them?

Why did democracy work in revolutionary American but collapse in revolutionary France? Why do more immigrants become citizens in Canada than in the U.S.? Why do labor unions form in newly globalizing regions?* It's not that we need missing information or missing links to answer these questions. It's that we need to reorganize the data out there to highlight causal explanations and built theories to construct a foundation for these explanations. We might collect more missing data in order to show that hey, the problem isn't that labor unions form in globalizing regions, it's that labor unions form in democratic regions, which are more likely to be globalizing as well. Finding the confounding variable in the problem is a missing link approach to a puzzle. But you're still stuck with the question of why unions form in democratic countries (not necessarily a true statement). And this question is a mystery, not a puzzle. I think the fact is, most problems have always been mysteries, not puzzles.

Maybe what has changed is not the nature of today's problems, but the treatment of these problems in circles like journalism, medicine, and intelligence analysis. Radiologists forty years ago were exuberant about the CAT scan, which allowed them to collect missing information like changes in cranial pressures and visual evidence of tumors, but this missing information didn't provide explanations for the origins and causes of these problems. They still had to fill in the gaps between evidence and outcome with narrative explanations of what actually happened.

Maybe the difference between a puzzle and a mystery is really a question of what kind of evidence you find. Do you see external symptoms of the underlying problem (puzzle), or do you see a theory of the developments leading to the outcome (mystery)? Maybe we need to see every problem as a puzzle until we have sufficient evidence to isolate the actual mechanism occurring (it's democracy, not globalization, that causes a proliferation in labor union formation); and only then can we build an explanatory narrative theorizing the nuts and bolts of the mechanism. Either way, the question of whether Gladwell's right that puzzles become mysteries with time and modernization is itself a puzzle. Or, if you'd like, a mystery. I'm not ready to attribute the move from puzzle-like approaches to solving problems to mystery-like approaches to solving problems to time and modernization. I think it's a question of kinds of evidence and methodology.

*All these mysteries are lifted from academic sociology books: Tocqueville's Democracy in America, Bloemraad's Becoming a Citizen, Silver's Forces of Labor.

Class and clothes

2007-01-01T16:13:00.000-05:00

Julia:

I'm Julia, and I'll be blogging here now too. For the sake of full disclosure, I'll disclose one fact. Fact #1: I am an acquaintance and, at times, friend of Kelley's. Okay, that's all the disclosing I'll do for now. (Best to remain somewhat mysterious for now, so as to draw you into my cavernous meanderings later.)

I'm blogging from Boston, where I'm visiting college friends for the holiday. The minute I stepped off the plane in Boston, my first thought was: Why did I own 7 identical black peacoats during the four years I lived here? My second thought was a response to the first: Living in Boston is causally related to owning a black peacoat. (There are 2.1 million of naked peas in Boston, homeless and, worse, coatless, as recorded by the most recent census.) Anyway, after I started wearing peacoats, my midwestern high school friends told me I was being bourgie. Which is probably true.

A friend told me, once, about a guy she knew in college who wore a suit and carried a briefcase to class every day for four years. He was poor, and couldn't afford a full wardrobe; and furthermore, a decent suit doesn't betray the tatters of class in the way that ill-fitting jeans and outdated overcoats can. On the other hand, many of my colleagues now are white guys with parents who are professors, who wear worn khakis, torn t-shirts and old but well-cut sneakers to campus UAW (labor union) meetings. As far as I'm concerned, this kid who wears a three-piece suit to classes wears his suit just like my unionizing colleagues wear their torn tatters. With aspirations of transcending class origins.

I have to go now. I smell cookies baking in the other room.

coincidental meetings and genetic mutations

2006-12-19T03:22:00.000-05:00

Kelley:

I had the good fortune to run into two very unexpected people during my flight back from school just yesterday. The first was a good friend, with whom I volunteered for many hours each week last year, but haven't seen in months. The second was the conductor of the amazing orchestra I used to play with--I wasn't amazing, mind you, just glad to be in it--who I ended up, coincidentally, sitting next to on the flight home. It was the strangest but coolest travel experience in my life. I guess there are many reasons to explain coincidental meetings, for example, the homophily of social networks or the tendency for people who already know one another to participate in the same activities, and thus show up in the same places at the same time. It might also just be that I was in several airports during the holiday season when everyone travels. Anyway, it reminded me that the world is a very small place.

It also reminded me of the fateful meetings of the characters in Heroes, in which people from around the world collide together for unexpected reasons. Yes, I'm talking about a TV show (a damn good one). And that leads me to another thing that's been on my mind. Heroes, very similar in principle to X-Men, is about the possibility that many individuals around the world have genetic mutations that have allowed them to develop special abilities, like flight, spontaneous regeneration, telekinesis, among many others. These individuals are supposedly one step ahead in the evolutionary path for humankind. Anyway, all this mention of the human genome reminds me of an idea I was recently introduced to in biochemistry lecture. (Welcome to my random train of thought)

Of the 3 billion basepairs that comprise the human genome, only 1.5% is actually protein-coding genes. The rest? Unknown functions, intruding sequences that are never transcribed into proteins, and, by far the scariest, a huge portion of transposons. Transposons are mobile genetic elements, genes that can excise themselves and move to other areas in the genome spontaneously. By doing so, they often disrupt protein-coding sequences and cause deleterious mutations. The transposons in the human genome are generally inactive, but there is reason to believe that they once were active in our ancestors. The mechanism of the Type I transposon (the retrotransposon) is closely related to the mechanism by which retroviruses like HIV infect the body. They make a copy of themselves, and paste these copies in multiple places along the genome. These transposons, about 60% of the genome, may have been involved in an HIV-related virus that our ancestors carried. Now, they are merely the genetic burden we carry, a method to prevent the mixing of species. What would happen if they suddenly became active again, somewhere down the evolutionary line?

I'm pretty sure evolution progresses in the direction of survival, so that is probably an irrational fear. But I tend to have a lot of irrational fears, and this is just one of the most interesting.

The air in Colorado is better

2006-12-07T18:57:00.000-05:00

Kelley:

From The Year in Medicine, Time magazine:

"Not only is the air cleaner in the Centennial State, but the people there also live longer. A harvard study showed that the seven U.S. counties with the greatest average life expectancy--81.3 years--were all in Colorado..."

It has something to do with the fact that living in the mountains increases the chances that you will have an active lifestyle.

I love the Rockies. Now I love them even more.

Some confused thoughts about military intervention and how it might apply to Iraq

2006-12-07T18:17:00.000-05:00

Kelley:

Before I knew anything about foreign policy, I believed in non-intervention in every instance, fearing the consequences (and, especially, accusations of imperialism) of military intervention in sovereign nations, for peacekeeping purposes or otherwise. But as I am reading Samantha Power's "A Problem From Hell", a study of U.S. foreign policy regarding twentieth century genocide, I am beginning to realize the need for intervention in some extreme cases.

In class today we had a very animated debate about whether to advocate military intervention in some form or other, or more "soft" types of intervention such as economic sanctions and humanitarian aid, to prevent genocide. Some of the interesting concerns were:

If we advocate a peacekeeping force (UN perhaps), what is the sustainability of a peaceful state after the force is withdrawn?
In many cases of genocide, the perpetrators are enabled to act because they believe foreign powers to be either ignorant or unwilling to intervene when things turn violent. A good example of this is Rwanda, which followed shortly after the failure of a recent U.S. mission in Somalia. The Hutu authorities in Rwanda knew the U.S. wasn't about to intervene in a nation that was so near to Somalia (on the same continent--far too close), invoking too recent memories of humiliation. So, in such cases "soft" intervention is useless; the presence of a military peacekeeping force goes a long way in scaring the potential perpetrators of a genocide.
Military intervention can often penetrate into hard-to-reach areas, where often most of the at-risk victims are concentrated (concentration of the target population is a common preliminary step to committing genocide), whereas humanitarian aid often falls into the wrong hands and supplies and money are distributed amongst the perpetrators of the genocide.

Many other interesting points were brought up, but I'm feeling pretty split on this one. I feel like military intervention is the only direct action we can take to prevent genocide in many instances, especially considering the fact that most genocidal regimes are isolated to international censure (i.e. Cambodia), so any other measure would be impotent. But a military peacekeeping force will always find itself stuck in the same quandary that we face now in Iraq. Where Iraq differs is that, obviously, there is no genocide looming on the horizon, but then our presence there is having an effect completely opposite of peacekeeping--maybe genocide isn't so far on the horizon after all. Countries that have committed past genocides are more likely to commit them again, and Iraq is no exception to this rule.

The trick in deciding whether to intervene or not, now, is just being able to distinguish between a genocidal regime and a non-genocidal regime. Simple, really.

Intellectual Property Rights

2006-12-05T15:36:00.000-05:00

Kelley:

Amongst all the talk of pirated music, movies, designer clothes and handbags, I often forget that intellectual property rights apply to something with far graver consequences than all of this fake merchandise: illegally manufactured drugs. A mention on another blog of a recent Guardian article about--no joke--killer Viagra caught my attention, so I thought I'd share it here. Can intellectual property rights be more heavily applied to one field and less strict in others? Surely, selling illegal VCD copies of a newly released movie (some of which may not work) and selling illegally manufactured drugs (some of which may just be placebos without the acting ingredient) are entirely different. Right?

Illegal pharmaceuticals aren't the only controversial thing to be churned out of Chinese factories. Maybe a little bit less harmful to the general public, but otherwise just as gruesome, are the dead body factories that have been popping up in Dalian. Below is an excerpt from a NYTimes article in August (so I am a little late on this news):

"Inside a series of unmarked buildings, hundreds of Chinese workers, some seated in assembly line formations, are cleaning, cutting, dissecting, preserving and re-engineering human corpses, preparing them for the international museum exhibition market.

...

The mastermind behind this operation is Gunther von Hagens, a 61-year-old German scientist whose show, “Body Worlds,” has attracted 20 million people worldwide over the past decade and has taken in over $200 million by displaying preserved, skinless human corpses with their well-defined muscles and sinewy tissues.

But now with millions of people flocking to see “Body Worlds” and similar exhibitions, a ghastly new underground mini-industry has emerged in China.

With little government oversight, an abundance of cheap medical school labor and easy access to cadavers and organs — which appear to come mostly from China and Europe — at least 10 other Chinese body factories have opened in the last few years. These companies are regularly filling exhibition orders, shipping preserved cadavers to Japan, South Korea and the United States.

Fierce competition among body show producers has led to accusations of copyright theft, unfair competition and trafficking in human bodies in a country with a reputation for allowing a flourishing underground trade in organs and other body parts.

Here in China, determining who is in the body business and where the bodies come from is not easy. Museums that hold body exhibitions in China say they have suddenly “forgotten” who supplied their bodies, police officials have regularly changed their stories about what they have done with bodies, and even universities have confirmed and then denied the existence of body preservation operations on their campuses.

Human rights activists have attacked the exhibitions, calling them freak shows that may be using the bodies of mentally ill people and executed prisoners. In June, the police in the city of Dandong, about 190 miles northeast of here, discovered about 10 corpses in a farmer’s yard. The bodies were being used by a firm financed by foreigners, the government said, that was illegally involved in the body preservation business.

Worried about a growing trade in illegal bodies, the Chinese government issued new regulations in July that outlawed the purchase or sale of human bodies and restricted the import and export of human specimens, unless used for research. But it is unclear how the regulations will affect the factories."

Creepy stuff, huh? Leave it to China to produce the things that no other country wants to be known for.

I've been to see the Bodies Exhibit while in New York last year, and although it made me feel queasy I have to recommend it. It's a little morbid, especially a particular exhibit I remember, in which a skinless man stood holding hands with his plastinated skin, sculpted into the outline of his body. But it definitely beats a gross anatomy lab without the smell of formaldehyde.

Moving to a New Venue

2006-12-04T20:24:00.001-05:00

About the title: I recently learned this phrase in Chinese class and thought it particularly apt for describing the phase of change I'm going through as well as the constant state of change of the world. Unconscious and unnoticeable.